We all crave for love; some show their need for it while others prefer to keep it to themselves. This is because love is the most natural emotion we possess. It is not love, but the lack of it, that makes us feel pain, fear, anxiety and feeling of being lost in a maze. Once we return to love, we return to the calm state of our being. However, to feel that love, we need to create it within our self and spread it outside. It becomes extremely important for us, as human beings, to create loving personal relationships, to maintain the balance of life.
Below are seven ways to help you improve your personal relationships:
1. Find yourself before you find another-
The first person you need to love is yourself. If you can’t love yourself how can you expect others to love you. Find yourself worthy enough of the love you are looking for by being the first person who loves you. Every single person, irrespective of how close they are, have to deal with their own demons. While they are busy dealing with their own troubles, they might just miss out on your troubles. Chant this every single day to yourself, “I love and accept myself completely. I am becoming lovable every day.” While doing so, you can put your hands on your heart, if that gives you comfort.
2. Check your beliefs about Relationships –
What are your beliefs about relationships? Do you prefer independence over commitment? Do you believe that most partners cheat in the relationship, so actually relationships are not meant for you? Check all your positive as well as negative beliefs before you enter a relationship. People who are usually stuck in repetitive patterns of choosing the wrong partner have negative beliefs that they have carried either from the childhood, their close friends or their own experience. Unless these beliefs are changed the cycle of getting into relationships, which are not good for your mental health, will keep repeating.
3. Control your language as well as your eyes –
Develop your communication skills to control what you say during fights. You must have heard the famous quote, “no one remembers when you are right, but no one forgets when you are wrong.” This can be clearly seen during fights or disagreements, where one wrong word can detour the entire conversation. So be very cautious with your words, especially during fights as it might cost you your relationship. Also, try to avoid eye contact with your partner when you are upset or have an argument with them. This is because, when we are in pain, our mind believes that whatever we are seeing might be the cause of that pain. This process is called anchoring. Once our mind picks up our partner as the cause of pain, we might never able to mend our relationships.
4. Accept the person for what they are not for what you think they can be –
Many times we see huge potential in people and we take up the task of improving them and helping them realize their own potential. This is one of the biggest relationship killers as nobody wants to be fixed. We all are perfect in our own unique ways and at the same time we are work in progress. We only change when we feel the need of changing, not when someone else things that we need to change. So, for creating long lasting loving relationships, accept people for what they are. In case you are unable to accept them for what they are, it would be better to leave the relationship and find someone suitable to you. The only person on whom you need to work on is yourself. Your partner is not your project, you are.
5. Don’t always compromise –
Don’t compromise your happiness to make anyone else happy. You can only spread what you have. So, if you have more pain then that’s what you will radiate. By compromising on your dreams and aspirations, you are damaging the relationship over the long run. Instead learn to take a stand for what you believe in. Also, respect them for their choices. By doing this, you will teach the other person the way you would like to be treated. However, this doesn’t mean that you need to be inflexible or non-adjustable in the relationship. Adjustment happens when both the partners try to find a middle ground to their problems and come up with an amicable solution.
6. Two is a team –
Stop insulting your spouse in front of others. A lot of people find immense amount of satisfaction in complaining to others about the quality of their relationships. Some even go to the extend of publicly humiliating their partner for their lack of culinary skills, dressing sense, language, to name a few. This in no way is good news for the relationship. Not only it hampers the self-esteem of the victim but it also gives others the power to insult your partner. Remember till you insult your partner nobody else could.
7. Accept with grace –
How do you react when your partner gives you a gift? Do you say something like, “What was the need of spending this much?” or “it’s very expensive”, or “I don’t like your choice. I would prefer to shop on my own.” If so, then soon you might notice that your partner stops buying anything for you because of their fear of rejection. The bond would increase manifold, if instead you would say a simple thank you with a real smile. Show them your gratitude for thinking about you. Remember a little praise can go a long way in the journey of your relationship.